What did the bartender say to the ham sandwich that walked into the bar? “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was assaulted. (Assaulted…a salted…get it?)
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”
Why don’t skeletons fight in bars? They don’t have the guts!
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The mushroom replies, “Why not? I’m a fungi!”
Why did the scarecrow win an award at the bar? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on at the bar? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the tomato turn red at the bar? It saw the salad dressing!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asks, “What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate replies, “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
Why did the bicycle fall over at the bar? It was two-tired!
How does a penguin order a drink at a bar? Igloos it!
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What’s the difference between a bartender and a dentist? A bartender serves shots, and a dentist shoots nerves!
Why did the bicycle fall over at the bar? It was two-tired!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack at a bar? An abdominal snowman!
Two atoms were talking in a bar. One says, “I think I lost an electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first atom replies, “I’m positive!”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other at a bar? They don’t have the guts!
What do you call a bear with no teeth at a bar? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the bar? In case he got a hole in one!
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What’s the difference between a bartender and a dentist? A bartender serves shots, and a dentist shoots nerves!
Why did the bicycle fall over at the bar? It was two-tired!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack at a bar? An abdominal snowman!
Two atoms were talking in a bar. One says, “I think I lost an electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first atom replies, “I’m positive!”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other at a bar? They don’t have the guts!
What do you call a bear with no teeth at a bar? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the bar? In case he got a hole in one!
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What’s the difference between a bartender and a dentist? A bartender serves shots, and a dentist shoots nerves!
Why did the bicycle fall over at the bar? It was two-tired!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack at a bar? An abdominal snowman!
Two atoms were talking in a bar. One says, “I think I lost an electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first atom replies, “I’m positive!”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other at a bar? They don’t have the guts!
What do you call a bear with no teeth at a bar? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the bar? In case he got a hole in one!
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
Why did the skeleton go to the bar alone? He had no body to go with him!
A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bartender here?”
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing at the bar!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!
Why did the cow go to the bar? For some moosic!
What do you call a drunkard who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering cushion-alcoholic!
How do you make a lemon drop shot at a bar? Just let it fall from the tree!
Why did the apple go to the bar? To get some liquid courage!
Why did the beer go to college? To get a little more hops in its step!
What’s a bartender’s favorite kind of music? Mocktails and Roll!
Why did the banana go to the bar? It wanted to become a smoothie!
How does a martini go to the bar? With an olive branch!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on at the bar? Nothing, but it let out a little wine!
Why did the rum go to the bar? For a shot of liquid courage!
Why did the wine go to the bar? It wanted to meet new vintages!
What did one beer say to the other at the bar? “You’re the hops to my barley!”
How does a bartender get into their house? They use the right kea
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did one pint of beer say to the other? “I’m frothing with excitement!”
How do you make a fruit punch at the bar? Give it a good right hook!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
How do you drown your sorrows at the bar? With a shot of water!
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
What do you call a drunkard who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering cushion-alcoholic!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing at the bar!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!
Why did the cow go to the bar? For some moosic!
What do you call a drunkard who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering cushion-alcoholic!
How do you make a lemon drop shot at a bar? Just let it fall from the tree!
Why did the apple go to the bar? To get some liquid courage!
Why did the beer go to college? To get a little more hops in its step!
What’s a bartender’s favorite kind of music? Mocktails and Roll!
Why did the banana go to the bar? It wanted to become a smoothie!
How does a martini go to the bar? With an olive branch!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on at the bar? Nothing, but it let out a little wine!
Why did the rum go to the bar? For a shot of liquid courage!
Why did the wine go to the bar? It wanted to meet new vintages!
What did one beer say to the other at the bar? “You’re the hops to my barley!”
How does a bartender get into their house? They use the right kea
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What did one pint of beer say to the other? “I’m frothing with excitement!”
How do you make a fruit punch at the bar? Give it a good right hook!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
How do you drown your sorrows at the bar? With a shot of water!
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
What do you call a drunkard who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering cushion-alcoholic!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing at the bar!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!
Why did the cow go to the bar? For some moosic!
What do you call a drunkard who works at an upholstery shop? A recovering cushion-alcoholic!
How do you make a lemon drop shot at a bar? Just let it fall from the tree!
Why did the apple go to the bar? To get some liquid courage!
Why did the beer go to college? To get a little more hops in its step!
What’s a bartender’s favorite kind of music? Mocktails and Roll!
Why did the banana go to the bar? It wanted to become a smoothie!
How does a martini go to the bar? With an olive branch!
